DESCRIPTION: This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the I Will Never Have A Girlfriend. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last:Blitzkrieg: I am Brazilian, however, I honestly find this Brazilian women stereotype really uninteresting. The German women are a lot better.
Alyna BACON: You forgot they like guys with brains, most of them do
Saa Miranda: Please do the turkish man version!
Hi There: No Italian, no French, no Spanish? WTF? Why did you call it the Sexiest Languages, and leave out the actual SEXIEST Languages!
Joe Eightys: Yes, this could be a real reaction, but always said in a sincere joking kind of way. Believe me, 'we are much more subtile, strategic, if we think that that's a better way of approaching to 'get what we want'.
Camar4an: It would've been nice to include people who don't look like stock photos.like that preppy girl didn't look like a real person. At all. Like, I've never seen someone like that in real life. But yeah. Terrance on point. :)
Ana Truong: It sounded too Venezuelan.
LazarusStr: I feel like this is what you would get if you ordered a Russian mail order bride, this can't be your average Russian girl's attitude.
Vee Vallejo: British and you show the England flag, are all americans that dumb bruv?
Bea Silv Niq: Next videos make belgium woman pls
Mufc187: Che merda di video
Sandra Wilson: Q.When you were in India did you live in a hut like the movie slum dog?
Isabelle Rose: THAT GIRL WAS NOT A FLUENT FRENCH SPEAKER MY EARS ARE BLEEDING
Nishi Tiwari: I would give a thumbs up is she sat on my face!
Amitendro Das: How about dating Bulgarian women.PLEASE!
Siim Koger: Gandas toinos fds
25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.
29 Jan Hi, I'd like to share something that has caused me much, much depression in my lifetime. I have never had a relationship in my life, not even a date, for various reasons that were out of my control (they had boyfriends, weren't interested, etc.) and it would cause me so much pain, and I would cry - because 1). 14 Dec That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data. 1 Jun I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated. I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there.
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This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?
Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering I Will Never Have A Girlfriend a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me.
Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus. Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age—let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty.
Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent—she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice.
So there they are—three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable. That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend.
I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations 3 in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review.
Let's now take a look at the figures. We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as ofso later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.
I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this I Will Never Have A Girlfriend goes without
I Will Never Have A Girlfriend. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability.
My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed. Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own.
This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship.
Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.
Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date. For reasons of morality and perhaps too self-preservationI'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends.
Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits. Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and
I Will Never Have A Girlfriend just barely suffice.
Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only I Will Never Have A Girlfriend That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams.
Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too. So there you have it, my friends—finally, a cogent, scientific, non-self-deprecating argument for why I will never have a girlfriend. I wouldn't bother if I were you. My sarcastic pleas for some e-mail have finally been answered.
Take a look at this letter from a hysterical female readerI Will Never Have A Girlfriend I think perfectly demonstrates the point of this entire essay. I think the fact that she's a WebTV user explains a lot—in fact, I was sure this e-mail was an April Fool's joke until I noticed the return address. You are free to produce translations of this article as long
I Will Never Have A Girlfriend you credit me as the original author, and link back to I Will Never Have A Girlfriend English original if possible.
Please send me a link to your translation and I will add it to this list. Translated by Andreas Svensson. Why I will never have a girlfriend. Longman, 8th edition, The Annals of Improbable Research8 3: Toggle navigation Tristan Miller. Number of people on Earth in I Will Never Have A Girlfriend am convinced that this behaviour is the real reason for today's alarmingly high divorce rate. Government Printing Office, Perhaps attractiveness, being a largely subjective trait, does not lend itself to quantification.
It is not unreasonable, however, to assume that like most other traits, it has a normal distribution. Indeed, this assumption seems to be backed up by informal observation and judgment—in any reasonably large group of people, most of them will be average-looking, and a tiny minority either exceedingly beautiful or exceedingly ugly.
Appendices Translations of this article You are free to produce translations of this article as long as you credit me as the original author, and link back to the English original if possible. A version of this article appears in the following publications:
Too much coffee bad 4 u?14 Dec That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data. 29 Jan Hi, I'd like to share something that has caused me much, much depression in my lifetime. I have never had a relationship in my life, not even a date, for various reasons that were out of my control (they had boyfriends, weren't interested, etc.) and it would cause me so much pain, and I would cry - because 1)..
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I’m 35 and have never had a girlfriend. What do I do?
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Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated. I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there, but I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone.
I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive.
I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships. I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women. I've really liked several girls over the years and ended up heartbroken either because they didn't feel the same way, they already had boyfriends or I asked them out and they rejected me.
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Sign in to join that conversation New here? I'll, nearly everyone likely, never get a girlfriend watch. Start new discussion Retort. I come from a exact poor and broken family.
I can't even drive yet, in the face of being